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Love that lasts
By Guy Mclaren
Today one of my facebook friends parents has been married for 35 years. She proclaimed they are still as in love today as back then. Love like this is the exception rather than the rule. I can almost guarantee you these folks have developed rules for their relationship. OK not rules, guidelines that affect the way that they interact with one another. I know that they probably don't define love by butterfly feelings in the stomach. It's not about feelings but about commitment, trust and lots of sex and affection. Love is never about me, me, me. It's about giving, sharing and doing stuff together. My wife and I are heading for twenty years, she is my forever after. We have rules and roles in the relationship that work for us. She is the nurturer, I am the breadwinner. I am not suggesting that this is the ideal situation for every one but it works for us. There are rules that we live by. We never go to bed angry... ahh bull twaddle, of course we go to bed ready to kill one another because she blew the money I wanted for something else, or I haven't done something I promised. This happens but we will never go to bed without saying the three little words. I love you. When we are at each others throats we won't do a full body cuddle but we will do a foot cuddle. It says.. I am cheesed off but I do care. The D word is never mentioned. we have a rule about weapons, never take it out unless you are going to use it. If you are going to pull out a gun, be willing to fire. The D word is such a weapon. Leave it in the safe where it belongs. Let's talk about lust, This is very important and is a marriage killer. If he has lustful thoughts and you deny him satisfaction, he will stray. If she is horny and you don't scratch the itch, she will find a scratching post.
Sure have a headache every now and again, but don't make saying no a habit. Sex is never wrong, never dirty enough and never not able to solve an argument. Swallowing is a trick that married ladies need to understand will fix any issue. Religion should be kept out of relationships unless you are both godless heathens that enjoy taking the mickey out of others, or you are both ready to believe that faerie dust fixes broken bones. If you fight about this one, you are going to use that D word. live and let live. It works for us. God gave you a pudenda or a penis and want's you to enjoy it if that is your hang up. Anniversaries happen every year because nobody died or killed the other party. Enjoy them make them special. Sex is an essential component of an anniversary. Mostly the rules state that a cuddle a day keeps the attorneys away. Instead of passage sex... (you know the one where you walk by each other in the passage and mutter F.... You) a quick cuddle or hug is the way to keep the flames burning. Every time you say I love you, you remind yourself that you do love your partner, you remind them that you do and give them an opportunity to reciprocate and remind themselves. Sometimes those reminders are essential. Arguments happen, when today's fight is over put it in the box and never refer to it again. It's in the past. It's history and deserves to be a footnote in a diary, not the subject of tomorrows fight.
Guy McLaren has been married for ever(OK, only 19 years) He is a photographer and web developer based in Nelspruit, Mpumalanga and Pretoria, Gauteng South Africa
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To peek inside a marriage is more harrowing than looking inside a dirty laundry basket.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
marriage is ...
Good one Guy!. Some say that having sex is a sure cure for getting rid of a headache so really can't use that excuse.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
hmmm...
Hi, Guy,
That's the trouble with the world today - too much emphasis on sex.
Love is not a sexual emotion, it is all in the mind. Good sex will become even better if love is involved. Even without love, it will still be good if both partners are willing participants.
Love does not die or go away if a partner is no longer around. I still love my dead wives and they still can cause me to go weak at the knees when I am reliving or remembering special occasions in our lives together. I am sure there are many divorced and separated people who feel the same bout their exes.
Although my own parents fought like cat and dog, I cannot remember a single argument with any of my wives that lasted long enough to worry about going to bed angry.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
agreed Love is not a sexual emotion, but without sex love is doomed.
My hubby and I have been married for 43 years and still cuddle and use the 3 words, "I Love You," often. There must be millions of self-help books on this subject and each of them has their own advice. I truly believe that sex is only a very small part of why a marriage lasts. I agree, good sex is wonderful but, not the only reason many marriages work. Respect is another strong reason.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Why is everyone focusing on the sex issue? I also talked about cuddling.
The copyright for this content entitled "Love that lasts" has been specified by the contributor as:
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0
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http://guymclaren.qondio.com/
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